The Second Luminous Mystery:

The Manifestation at the Wedding at Cana

The following is the first of twenty monthly reflections about the Mysteries of the Rosary as they relate to family life.  The mysteries will not be necessarily chronological but presented as they interact with the liturgical year.

Back when I was in middle school, my mother insisted on chaperoning the periodic dances we had during the year.  For me, a typical pre-teen, her willingness to help my school nearly put my overactive self-consciousness into disarray.  After all, what could be worse than my own mother watching me as I awkwardly tried to master this new phenomenon of dancing?  Dancing is, of course, a generous term since what I was doing mostly consisted of jumping up and down to the music hoping that my friends were not laughing if they saw me.  Nevertheless, since these dances were also dubbed “fun nights,” there was a game room adjacent to the dance in the gym, and this room provided me with a chance to make a deal with my mother.  Shrewd adolescent that I thought I was, I agreed to my mother’s chaperoning of the dance as long as she helped in the game room.  She went along with it, likely amused at my fear of being seen with her or worse, her seeing any of my dance moves.  I laugh at myself now, too, but that memory came back to me as I considered another dialogue between a mother and her son.

            This other conversation was of much more importance as it took place between Jesus and Mary at a wedding in Cana.  It was here that Jesus would perform his first miracle and begin to reveal his full identity to his followers.  We all know the story: as the wedding feast progressed, the hosts had run out of wine.  Mary, sensing Jesus’ ability to help, tells him this news.  Now, I do not think Jesus was embarrassed by his mother as I was, but he does question her as to why she is bringing this to him now.  He apparently ends up agreeing with her in the end because he takes water and turns it into wine for all the guests.

            There are a few salient points from this story as it relates to family life.  First, it shows us that we come to know Jesus through Mary.  Notice that she already senses his capabilities.  Before anyone else asks him, she comes to him in an intimate moment between mother and son and requests his help.  Mary is the one who understands all along.  Ever since Gabriel visited her, she knows in her heart who Jesus is and promises to be.  Therefore, it is right that we look to Mary to lead us to Jesus.  We do this even today with Marian devotions such as praying the rosary as a family or visiting a grotto together.  This does not mean that we worship Mary but that we seek to be closer to Christ through her intercession.

            The second item of note is that Jesus manifests himself in surprising ways.  Like his birth in a stable and his baptism by his cousin John, Jesus turns convention on its head.  He shows his glory not as the host himself but as a humble guest at this wedding celebration.  Jesus reveals his humanity as he interacts with his mother and attends the wedding feast itself.  He then gives a glimpse of his divinity when the transformation of water to wine takes place.

            Finally, I think it is significant that Jesus does all this at a wedding.  He gives nobility to our human unions by attending this event and performing this sign.  Doing so, he joins in the celebration of family, especially the marking of a moment when a man and woman vow themselves to God and each other.  His actions likely strengthened the bond of the couple since things could have gotten a bit stressful with no more wine to serve their guests!  We also would do well to strengthen our own families or those of others, especially if we know of ones that might be struggling.  The example of Mary and Jesus in this story remind us that such things are worth our daily efforts.        

“Now and Forever”

The following is the twelfth of twelve monthly reflections about the phrases of the “Lord’s Prayer” and what they tell us about family life.

            At the tail end of this past summer, I was visiting my childhood home where most of my family still lives.  My youngest brother had been the last one to leave home and purchase a house on the other side of town.  As he and I reflected on this recent development, noting its significance as my parents had achieved “empty nester” status, we talked about our childhood and upbringing.  Though there were many good memories to recall of us and our siblings, we focused the outcomes of each of the four adults thus far.  One thing that we considered significant was that each of us still practices our Catholic faith regularly.  My brother wondered aloud, “So what did Mom and Dad do to make that happen?”  We talked about going to Mass every Sunday, sending us to Catholic schools, praying regularly at mealtime and other important times in the year, but all of this seemed so ordinary.  Surely there was some extraordinary action they took to ensure their children adopted and practiced the faith so important in their own relationship.  Alas, we found nothing, and we concluded that it our parents, cooperating with God’s grace in very ordinary ways, had been able to leave a lasting legacy of Catholic faith in our family.  I naturally turned in thought to my own young family and asked the question all parents do at some point: “What legacy will I leave to my children?”     

            Each generation stands on the shoulders of giants, indebted to the sacrifices of previous ones.  There are advantages and privileges we enjoy today that some generation gone by could only consider a dream.  This is the case for our faith as well.  Many of the buildings where we worship, the freedoms we have, and the deposit of faith that is part of our makeup come from the sacrifices of those who have come before us.  We can draw this legacy all the way back through the prominent figures of our Judeo-Christian history right down to the names and faces that first gave each of us this gift of faith.  When we think of all who have sacrificed, often with tears and sometimes with blood, to ensure we have the faith we do, it helps us to understand how valuable a gift this is.

            It is our time to take up the mantle of carrying and passing on the faith to the next generation, both “now and forever.”  Whether it is to our children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or any young person we have a chance to mentor, each us plays a part in helping the faith to flourish beyond our lifetimes.  Of course, every generation has faced challenges in this mission, and we certainly have ours.  The first to me seems to be a kind of digital distraction that prevents us from ever taking time to pray or reflect regularly.  I write this knowing the irony of this being an electronic message, so it simply shows that there are opportunities to bring faith into this realm of our lives.  Another challenge, at least for us in the United States, seems to be a convenience of worship.  We do not take the risks or make the sacrifices that others in the world do or our forebears did to come to Mass or practice our faith.  Doing so is becoming increasingly counter-cultural, but few of us face true persecution to live our faith daily.  Nevertheless, the trends of secularism in our society present a third challenge.  If we are the only person or family in our neighborhood or peer group making faith a priority, we may be less likely to persevere or live our faith as strongly as we might otherwise.

            Despite these obstacles, it is our responsibility to give our collective children this most important gift.  God’s grace is essential in this effort because without it we would never be successful.  It is also important to note that there is no perfect formula to have each and every young person adopt and practice the faith.  There must be an acknowledgement of free will, and even one of Jesus’ own disciples turned away from him in the end.  Yet, being consistent about seemingly ordinary religious practices gives us and our children the best chance of a real and lasting faith.  This will lead to the invaluable gift of a strong relationship with God in this life and ultimately, eternal happiness in the life to come.

“For the Kingdom, Power, and Glory are Yours”

The following is the eleventh of twelve monthly reflections about the phrases of the “Lord’s Prayer” and what they tell us about family life.

            The weekly saga of the Allen family’s attempt to go to Mass with three little boys is seldom without some sort of drama.  While my wife and I have learned the tricks of building in extra preparation time, tag teaming the dressing of the kids, and packing the bag with supplies for almost any mishap, it remains a challenge to arrive on time and with a peaceful, reflective demeanor.  This past Sunday, however, we were on target.  They boys were dressed and playing together while they waited for me to finish getting ready.  I remember looking at the clock and thinking, “Wow, we still have 30 minutes.  We are definitely going to make it on time today.”  As you might guess, this assumption was premature because no sooner had I thought it than my wife came into the house to announce some news that dealt a blow to my hopes.  The sliding doors on our minivan had frozen shut.  Apparently, as we had been out driving the previous day while the snow fell, enough melted snow had made its way to the door seal to freeze overnight and entomb the entire midsection of the vehicle!

            Mustering all the warm thoughts I could, I dutifully made my way outside to see if I could remedy the problem.  I sensed my internal clock ticking the minutes away as I worked to free the doors.  Realizing that my efforts were ineffective, I switched to the backup plan.  Able to open the front passenger door, I reclined the seat as fully as possible and went inside the house to get the kids.  One by one, I heaved each boy towards his respective seat, and then my wife climbed over herself to fasten seat belts for all.  There was a distinct moment when, as I watched the woman I love clamber over the front seat of our car, that two thoughts crossed my mind.  The first was imagining what our neighbors were thinking if they were observing this spectacle, and the second was asking myself why in the world we were doing all this in the first place.

            The penultimate phrase of our Lord’s Prayer series, “for the kingdom, power, and glory are yours,” is the first half of the doxology portion.  While these are not part of Jesus’ recorded words in the gospels, they emanate from a venerable prayer tradition and have some valuable lessons for us with respect to family life.  They certainly were instructive to me as I labored to get my family to Mass despite our icy predicament.  We were, in those moments of frustration, motivated as members of God’s kingdom, acutely sensing our powerlessness, and hoping to glorify God by our perseverance.

            The kingdom of God is a popular concept in Christian thought.  We often speak of it in two ways.  In one sense, the kingdom is established by Christ and is already here.  Yet in another vein, the kingdom has not fully arrived and only will do so at the end of time.  Considering these together, we as Catholic-Christians try to live out the kingdom here on earth while looking forward to its completion in the life to come.  This allows us to be witnesses for Christ and cultivate holy individual and family lives here and now while never losing sight of our ultimate intended destination, eternal happiness with God in heaven.  This is what can be so wonderful about coming to Mass as a family.  There we receive both spiritual nourishment for our life on earth as well as a foretaste of the heavenly banquet we wish to share together.

            The power of God is something we easily acknowledge but perhaps fail to consider with regularity.  Instead, we can become preoccupied with our own power, control, and authority.  Whether at home or work, we get distracted and overestimate our importance and ability to influence events.  In each family, though, there comes moments when we truly realize our powerlessness.  Whether it is a sudden illness or death, loss of a job, or any number of other events, we are sometimes brought to our knees because that is our only remaining option.  God’s power is of particular comfort in moments such as these.  After all, in the seeming hopeless void that accompanied Jesus’ death came a miracle of God’s power beyond all others, i.e. the raising of Jesus from the dead.  By submitting to God’s power, we endure our earthly suffering in the sure hope that we will follow in the footsteps of Christ after death.

            The third idea from this month’s phrase is that of God’s glory.  We are called to glorify God by our virtuous living, and we have a tremendous opportunity to do this in our families.  Indeed, the example of a holy family life is leaven for a troubled world.  It does not mean that family life is not sometimes crazy, messy, or imperfect, but especially because of these realities, the fact that we show love unconditionally for one another evangelizes the culture and glorifies the God who is our source of strength and mercy.

            In conclusion, I will admit that few of these reflections came to mind immediately in the stressful moments of my family making its way to Mass this past week.  Fellow parents can identify with the feeling of sitting down at the beginning of Mass and already being exhausted by the effort simply to get there.  Nevertheless, we continue on our journey of faith as families, firm in our convictions of serving the kingdom, trusting in God’s power, and living in a way that glorifies God in all we do.

“But Deliver Us from Evil”

The following is the tenth of twelve monthly reflections about the phrases of the “Lord’s Prayer” and what they tell us about family life.

            As some of you may know, my son Nicholas has had some health issues in his young life.  My wife Stephanie and I have supported each other as best we can, but I would be lying if I did not admit it has been hard at times.  We are now to the point where we are working through most things pretty well, but as I reflect on the last year and a half in terms of what has been the hardest, I find myself thinking back to the first few days after he was born.  He came to us as our other two sons had, but something was markedly different this time.  Instead of the usual pace of doctors, nurses, and hospital staff, it was as if everything was in hyper drive for days on end.  The tests, doctors, and interruptions were abundant, and the unknowns loomed like an unwelcome visitor lodged with us in that hospital room.  Never before had I experienced such a strange combination of simultaneous joy and worry.  My wife performed admirably, doing all she could as a mother to maintain a sense of normalcy amidst the chaos.  I remember, at one point, it all becoming too much for me.  I needed to leave the room for a while and collect myself, and I will never forget the moments that transpired next.

            The grace of being in a Catholic hospital was not lost on me, and I decided to go to the chapel to pray in front of the Blessed Sacrament.  I could not remember another time where I felt so overwhelmed without any clear direction of what to do next.  It was not so much that something was “wrong” with my son as I knew we would love him no matter his abilities or limitations.  Instead, I was incredibly frustrated that I did not know how to help him.  He was upstairs suffering, and I could do nothing to take it away.  That cut me to the core as a father.  The feeling of powerlessness washed over me in waves, and tears dripped down my face in a steady rhythm onto the chapel floor.  I prayed hard that day from a place of desperate need, pleading to God to deliver us from that dreadful uncertainty.

            Now, I would not go so far as to say my son’s ailments and our dealing with them were some kind of evil.  However, as I thought about our phase from the Lord’s Prayer this month, I wanted to consider our disposition when we truly ask God’s deliverance from evil, and the theme and feeling of utter powerlessness kept recurring to me.  The ordeal with Nicholas was an experience where I could most readily identify with that feeling.

            For some, evil still manifests itself in a very tangible way, such as in cases of demonic possession.  For most of us, evil occurs more subtly but still can leave us at a loss for words and actions.  What do we do in the face of acts or events we can barely fathom?  The attacks of September 11 come to mind as an event where so many of the world felt the confusion, sadness, and disbelief that accompanies such evil.  There are many other examples for us, sometimes very personal, sometimes in the midst of our families and those we love.  We live in a world where evil is real yet often ignored or denied.  The callous taking of life, the violations of human dignity, the estrangement within important relationships, and our sinful failures in the face of temptation are all too common.  We may find ourselves at a loss, not knowing what to do.

            This is the moment where the Lord’s Prayer becomes instructive.  When we do not know what our next step should be, prayer is always a good answer.  Even or especially from our desperate need, we must pray.  The irony is that these times can be the hardest moments to pray because of how God’s love can feel very distant.  Perseverance is key to this effort, and the memorized prayers that we perhaps derided as boring in our youthful immaturity may become the only words we can muster.  We must pray even if the words feel empty for a period of time.  Indeed, many great saints of heaven experienced the same.

            Evil’s intrusion into our lives presents us with a fundamental choice.  We can either give ourselves to hope or to despair.  The reason that we pray is because we are a people of hope.  We hope in something more, in God’s love despite our trials, in God’s power over all evil, and ultimately, in the resurrection to eternal life.  We pray for deliverance from evil to the Father who is the only one who has power to accomplish it.  We know by faith that our prayers will not go unanswered.

“And Lead Us Not Into Temptation”

The following is the ninth of twelve monthly reflections about the phrases of the “Lord’s Prayer” and what they tell us about family life.

            As with most typical offices with a reception area, the office where I work has a container of mints at our front desk.  These candies, of course, connote hospitality to those who visit us or give guests a chance to freshen their breath when coming to us for a meeting.  The problem with these mints is that they are borderline addictive.  They are not the run of the mill, hardened peppermint circles that have a shelf life rivaling an army MRE meal.  No, these are soft, buttery, sweet mints that practically melt in your mouth the moment they touch your tongue and leave you seriously wondering what everyone would think if you ate one, two, or ten more.  While the mints are there to welcome guests, they also serve a second purpose: tempting all who work near them.  It is a real challenge to get through the day, walking back and forth near the candy dish and each time to continue towards my destination without putting a mint in my pocket.  Even with the knowledge that too many mints leads to things like cavities and tight pants, I have a hard time turning away.  That is the difficulty of temptation.  We often sense the result of a particular action will not end well for us, but the lure of the temporary gratification sometimes proves too great for our willpower.

            In one of the most instructive stories in the gospels, Jesus experienced temptation in the desert.  Satan tempts him with promises of food, proof of God’s favor, and earthly power, but Jesus is able to take the long view.  He knows that all that the devil offers is fleeting, that he would be hungry again, that testing God is a sign of a weakened faith, and that human allegiance is fickle.  We can learn a great deal from Jesus in this story.  Though we thankfully would not expect Satan to visit us in person and tempt us, we all experience the glamour of evil.  Like Jesus, we need to see past the immediate actions and consequences during temptation and consider the long-term implications.

            How do we prepare for temptation, which sometimes comes upon us unexpectedly?  The best answer I have found is that we must pay attention to our habits, no matter how small.  The little daily decisions of our life lead to virtue or vice depending on their orientation.  My behavior towards my office mints will say something about my ability to turn away when other, more significant food choices come my way.  Of course, there are much more serious things in life than overeating office mints.

Think of adultery for example.  This is something that has the potential to damage a marriage and family beyond repair.  How do I prevent such a tragedy in my own life?  It is not about waiting for an opportunity of adultery to present itself and then hoping I am strong enough to withstand it.  Instead, it is about the little ways that I control my habits that would leave me in a much better place to resist temptation should it ever occur.  The websites and movies I avoid, the jokes from which I refrain, the ways I pay attention to my eyes and words when interacting with a woman—all these contribute to the building of good habits that leave me better positioned in the face of temptation.  Of course, I do not do these things perfectly, and a collection of bad habits leads to vice.  Therefore, timely contrition and confession is another good habit that leads to greater virtue.

            One final curious thing about our phrase of the Lord’s Prayer today is the idea of requesting that God not lead us into moments of temptation.  Considering Jesus “was led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil,” (Mt. 4:1) we may wonder what God is planning in all this.  It seems to me that God at times allows us to endure temptation for a greater purpose.  Jesus, after all, spent his time in the wilderness before embarking on his public ministry that would eventually demand his life.  Preparation for such a task is essential.  Thus, perhaps God’s permitting us to endure moments of temptation is a way of helping us to build good habits so that when the times of intense temptation arise, we are equipped and ready to handle them.  While it would never be God’s desire that we should fall into sin, we must remember that this is exactly Satan’s desire for us.  Building our will, self-control, awareness, and good habits through lesser temptations gives us a fighting chance when we really feel the strain of a difficult moral decision.  We must strive to be like Jesus in this respect, withstanding temptation and staying true to our vocational mission.  No opportunity is too small to contribute to this good effort, even if it is the bowl of mints at the office!

“As We Forgive Those Who Trespass Against Us”

The following is the eighth of twelve monthly reflections about the phrases of the “Lord’s Prayer” and what they tell us about family life.

            When my wife and I moved into our house a few years ago, we had some fixing up to do to get the house in order, especially before our first child Benjamin was to arrive in a few short weeks.  If you ask my wife about my those days, she would tell you that my promises did not quite match my execution because the bathroom remodel that was supposed to be complete before the baby came had stretched until it was time for his baptism!  Thankfully, that meant more help from by brothers and father who were visiting, and things got moving.  My older brother actually helps run a construction company, so he came with some ideas.  But as brothers two years apart and used to squabbling growing up, we did not exactly see eye to eye on everything.  Mostly, I took umbrage with how he suggested doing things, and I let him know that in no uncertain terms.  All of a sudden, he and I, two fully grown men, were arguing loudly in the driveway until our father had to step in to calm the situation.  I remember thinking later that it was odd that we were still acting like teenagers, having not forgiven each other for slights and offenses long past.  Clearly, we had some work to do.

           Granting forgiveness is one of the hardest but most essential things we do as human beings.  Since sin is so often a part of our existence, the need for frequent forgiveness is real.  It is the salve for the wounds we inflict upon each other.  To forgive another who has truly wronged us can be very challenging.  To do so, we almost feel as if we are surrendering, letting the other person win, or somehow excusing his or her actions.  The reality is that forgiveness is good for both people, allowing both to move forward.  It is often the person who was wronged who stands to suffer the most the longer the forgiveness is withheld.  The angst and bitterness envelop all thoughts towards the offender, and we risk becoming fixated on little else than revenge or payback in our interactions with the person.

            Last month, I shared an image of the crucifixion that I find meaningful when seeking forgiveness, and I would like to return to the same scene on Calvary for inspiration in granting forgiveness.  Luke’s account of Christ’s passion includes the scene where Jesus cries out from the cross, “Father, forgive them, they know not what they do.”  This is in the middle of his intense suffering, amidst jeers and humiliation.  Yet, he is true to the Father’s vision.  As Jesus clings to life, he does not forget his purpose in death, the forgiveness of all sins.

            Whenever I struggle to forgive, I find myself considering this scene, reflecting upon how much God has forgiven me for my offenses.  Jesus’ words have echoed through the millennia, “Father, forgive them…”  If Christ can forgive our darkest moments, perhaps we will find the courage and capacity to grant that grace to another.

            My brother and I apologized that day in the driveway and exchanged the forgiveness required.  It had not been a short or uneventful trip for him to come to Indiana in the first place, so I felt even more foolish about the whole thing since he was there to help.  In the end, we made some real progress that weekend.  Oh, and the bathroom started looking nice, too.

“Forgive us our Trespasses”

The following is the seventh of twelve monthly reflections about the phrases of the "Lord's Prayer" and what they tell us about family life.

            I remember the details of the day clearly even now.  My father was verbally reprimanding me for some behavior of mine involving fighting with my siblings.  Feeling that he had repeatedly and unfairly targeted me, I was fed up and decided to say so.  Out of a burning anger from deep within me, I tried to think of something to say that would hurt my father so much that he would feel as badly as I did.  Suddenly, I blurted out, “I hate you!  I wish I would have never been born!”

            Somewhat to my surprise, it seemed to work.  My dad looked genuinely wounded, and I felt a brief moment of satisfaction about the whole encounter.  But when he began to speak, my triumph turned to regret.  My father began to explain to me how wrong I was, how much he was trying to love me.  He talked about some very difficult moments of his childhood, things I had never heard before or could have imagined in my own life.  It became clear to me that one of his driving desires as a father was to ensure that my siblings and I did not have to endure some of what he did.  I felt very small, petty, and regretful of what I had said.  I eventually sought forgiveness, and to my father’s credit, he gave it freely.

            As we think about the need for forgiveness in our own families, it is clear to me that we have the ability to hurt those we love the most.  We know their faults, sensitive points, and even past failings.  Sadly, we sometimes exploit this knowledge in moments of conflict to inflict deep pain.  For the health of our relationships, it is essential that regular seeking and granting of forgiveness take place.  It can be hard to swallow our pride, admit our mistakes, and say we are sorry.  The cost of not doing so, however, is much higher.

            Of course, all of the ways that we harm others through sinfulness also damages our relationship with God, and this is the most important relationship we have.  Thankfully, God also has an inexhaustible supply of grace and mercy.  There is not the hesitation or conditions applied to the forgiveness we receive from God, but the fact remains that we must continue seeking it as often as needed.  We should not presume God’s forgiveness as an excuse not to change our ways, but we must also not make the mistake of not trusting and asking for God’s mercy, even after repeated or extreme failures.  In many ways, this is when we need forgiveness the most.

            For those of us who are Catholic, we have the wonderful gift of sacramental confession in times such as these.  Here, we actively live this month’s phrase of the Lord’s Prayer as we ask God, through the ministry of the priest, to forgive our sins, and we truly receive what we need.  I hope that, especially if it has been a long time or fear has kept readers away, this article would serve as encouragement to go and find the forgiveness that is waiting in the sacrament.

            To that purpose, I would like to share with a personal reflection of an image that has helped me in times that sin has particularly weighed me down.  It is the image of the soldier piercing Jesus’ side at the end of the crucifixion.  Blood and water, representing Christ’s total self-sacrifice, flow from his side.  I have sometimes imagined that, as I sin, I am the soldier piercing my savior and the Body of Christ with what I have done.  Let me return to that momentarily.  There have been moments when I have been too embarrassed, ashamed, or nervous to sit face-to-face with a priest as I confessed my sins.  Thus, I have sometimes opted to kneel behind the screen and admit to things for which I firmly regret and am terribly sorry.  The moment of great relief comes when, having said my sins and heard the priest’s counsel, I hear him speak the healing words of absolution.  It is during those words that I have sometimes found myself looking up to the heavens and imagining that I still hold the lance in my hands.  The blood and water of our wounded savior washes over me, and instead of condemning me, washes me pure once more.

The liberation and overwhelming gratitude we can find in the sacrament of confession is unlike any other human experience.  It allows us to move past the wrongs we have committed toward our loved ones, the human family, and God.  May we have the courage to continue to ask forgiveness of our trespasses so that we can live in freedom from sin and on the way to a life of holiness.