No Room for Selfishness
Growing up the second of four children with an older brother merely two years my senior, I saw my fair share of sibling disagreements, heated discussions, and, shall we say, altercations. It seemed to me that my older brother was responsible for 99 percent of the problems, but I suppose my perspective skewed slightly in my favor. Naturally, some of our spats happened out of the direct supervision of my parents, but they soon would become loud enough that one or both parents would notice and become involved. That is when the blame game started. The goal was a simple one: lay as much blame as possible on the other brother while avoiding a reprimand for oneself. Readers may not be surprised to hear that a pervasive selfishness dominated these explanations to my parents, and both brothers treated the truth like Dad’s bucket of random nuts and bolts in the garage: you used something when it could help you; otherwise, it never saw the light of day. Thinking back on these situations now, I realize how our selfishness never got us anywhere worthwhile. In fact, it often was in the way of the very thing God designed families to share.
Selfishness and love are inversely proportional. As one increases, the other necessarily decreases. As my brother and I heaped lie upon lie, the love between us barely flickered. The story is an illustration to me that, in families, there is no room for selfishness. The more we succeed in banishing it from our homes and relationships, the more love is able to take root and nourish us for whatever challenges life will bring.
As I have grown into adulthood and matured, I have tried to limit my selfish tendencies with each passing day. Every important milestone in family life from marriage to the birth of each of my children has forced me to reexamine the ways in which I still exhibit selfishness. The temptation is to think I have it all figured out, but then something happens which makes me realize how much I must still progress. The pursuit of holiness is like that. The more we give our efforts to it, the more we humbly realize how distant a goal perfect love of God and neighbor is. Nevertheless, we also trust ever more deeply that God’s grace will be able to one day close the gap.
Thinking about this interplay of love and selfishness in the scriptures, two gardens, Eden and Gethsemane, come to mind. Adam and Eve are faced with the temptation to disobedience by eating the forbidden fruit. They selfishly become so focused on the one thing they cannot have that they neglect to notice the abundance already given to them. We see them struggle with the temptation for a moment, but then they submit to the serpent’s poisonous suggestions. Then, as my brother and I would do, they blame everyone but themselves when God discovers their transgression.
When Jesus faces his own garden moment of temptation, it is during a quite serious time. We see him there, slumped to the ground, sweat pouring out of him, as he contemplates the culminating moments of his earthly mission. Death, the consequence of that first human sin, is directly before him. In what is one of the truest moments of Jesus’ human nature, he cries out in prayer, “Father, if you are willing, take this cup away from me.” It is a somewhat shocking statement if we think about it. Jesus is asking to avoid going through what he has come to do. He is praying for an escape from his charge to die on the cross for our sins. Yet, while Christ truly faced this temptation to selfishness, his next words are quite instructive for us as he continues, “Still, not my will but yours be done.” He chooses love, banishes selfishness, and continues with this most daunting of tasks.
How then, can this apply to us in our lives as families? I think one thing that is important to realize is that every human being, including Jesus himself, feels drawn to selfishness from time to time. However, what we do with that temptation makes all the difference. Had my brother and I been living more closely to the ideal of selfless love, there would not have been anything to lie about in the first place! Love takes effort, time, and dedication. May we trust that, after seeing the fruits of Christ’s all encompassing self-gift, being less selfish and more loving is worth all that we give to it.
