“As We Forgive Those Who Trespass Against Us”

The following is the eighth of twelve monthly reflections about the phrases of the “Lord’s Prayer” and what they tell us about family life.

            When my wife and I moved into our house a few years ago, we had some fixing up to do to get the house in order, especially before our first child Benjamin was to arrive in a few short weeks.  If you ask my wife about my those days, she would tell you that my promises did not quite match my execution because the bathroom remodel that was supposed to be complete before the baby came had stretched until it was time for his baptism!  Thankfully, that meant more help from by brothers and father who were visiting, and things got moving.  My older brother actually helps run a construction company, so he came with some ideas.  But as brothers two years apart and used to squabbling growing up, we did not exactly see eye to eye on everything.  Mostly, I took umbrage with how he suggested doing things, and I let him know that in no uncertain terms.  All of a sudden, he and I, two fully grown men, were arguing loudly in the driveway until our father had to step in to calm the situation.  I remember thinking later that it was odd that we were still acting like teenagers, having not forgiven each other for slights and offenses long past.  Clearly, we had some work to do.

           Granting forgiveness is one of the hardest but most essential things we do as human beings.  Since sin is so often a part of our existence, the need for frequent forgiveness is real.  It is the salve for the wounds we inflict upon each other.  To forgive another who has truly wronged us can be very challenging.  To do so, we almost feel as if we are surrendering, letting the other person win, or somehow excusing his or her actions.  The reality is that forgiveness is good for both people, allowing both to move forward.  It is often the person who was wronged who stands to suffer the most the longer the forgiveness is withheld.  The angst and bitterness envelop all thoughts towards the offender, and we risk becoming fixated on little else than revenge or payback in our interactions with the person.

            Last month, I shared an image of the crucifixion that I find meaningful when seeking forgiveness, and I would like to return to the same scene on Calvary for inspiration in granting forgiveness.  Luke’s account of Christ’s passion includes the scene where Jesus cries out from the cross, “Father, forgive them, they know not what they do.”  This is in the middle of his intense suffering, amidst jeers and humiliation.  Yet, he is true to the Father’s vision.  As Jesus clings to life, he does not forget his purpose in death, the forgiveness of all sins.

            Whenever I struggle to forgive, I find myself considering this scene, reflecting upon how much God has forgiven me for my offenses.  Jesus’ words have echoed through the millennia, “Father, forgive them…”  If Christ can forgive our darkest moments, perhaps we will find the courage and capacity to grant that grace to another.

            My brother and I apologized that day in the driveway and exchanged the forgiveness required.  It had not been a short or uneventful trip for him to come to Indiana in the first place, so I felt even more foolish about the whole thing since he was there to help.  In the end, we made some real progress that weekend.  Oh, and the bathroom started looking nice, too.