“Forgive us our Trespasses”

The following is the seventh of twelve monthly reflections about the phrases of the "Lord's Prayer" and what they tell us about family life.

            I remember the details of the day clearly even now.  My father was verbally reprimanding me for some behavior of mine involving fighting with my siblings.  Feeling that he had repeatedly and unfairly targeted me, I was fed up and decided to say so.  Out of a burning anger from deep within me, I tried to think of something to say that would hurt my father so much that he would feel as badly as I did.  Suddenly, I blurted out, “I hate you!  I wish I would have never been born!”

            Somewhat to my surprise, it seemed to work.  My dad looked genuinely wounded, and I felt a brief moment of satisfaction about the whole encounter.  But when he began to speak, my triumph turned to regret.  My father began to explain to me how wrong I was, how much he was trying to love me.  He talked about some very difficult moments of his childhood, things I had never heard before or could have imagined in my own life.  It became clear to me that one of his driving desires as a father was to ensure that my siblings and I did not have to endure some of what he did.  I felt very small, petty, and regretful of what I had said.  I eventually sought forgiveness, and to my father’s credit, he gave it freely.

            As we think about the need for forgiveness in our own families, it is clear to me that we have the ability to hurt those we love the most.  We know their faults, sensitive points, and even past failings.  Sadly, we sometimes exploit this knowledge in moments of conflict to inflict deep pain.  For the health of our relationships, it is essential that regular seeking and granting of forgiveness take place.  It can be hard to swallow our pride, admit our mistakes, and say we are sorry.  The cost of not doing so, however, is much higher.

            Of course, all of the ways that we harm others through sinfulness also damages our relationship with God, and this is the most important relationship we have.  Thankfully, God also has an inexhaustible supply of grace and mercy.  There is not the hesitation or conditions applied to the forgiveness we receive from God, but the fact remains that we must continue seeking it as often as needed.  We should not presume God’s forgiveness as an excuse not to change our ways, but we must also not make the mistake of not trusting and asking for God’s mercy, even after repeated or extreme failures.  In many ways, this is when we need forgiveness the most.

            For those of us who are Catholic, we have the wonderful gift of sacramental confession in times such as these.  Here, we actively live this month’s phrase of the Lord’s Prayer as we ask God, through the ministry of the priest, to forgive our sins, and we truly receive what we need.  I hope that, especially if it has been a long time or fear has kept readers away, this article would serve as encouragement to go and find the forgiveness that is waiting in the sacrament.

            To that purpose, I would like to share with a personal reflection of an image that has helped me in times that sin has particularly weighed me down.  It is the image of the soldier piercing Jesus’ side at the end of the crucifixion.  Blood and water, representing Christ’s total self-sacrifice, flow from his side.  I have sometimes imagined that, as I sin, I am the soldier piercing my savior and the Body of Christ with what I have done.  Let me return to that momentarily.  There have been moments when I have been too embarrassed, ashamed, or nervous to sit face-to-face with a priest as I confessed my sins.  Thus, I have sometimes opted to kneel behind the screen and admit to things for which I firmly regret and am terribly sorry.  The moment of great relief comes when, having said my sins and heard the priest’s counsel, I hear him speak the healing words of absolution.  It is during those words that I have sometimes found myself looking up to the heavens and imagining that I still hold the lance in my hands.  The blood and water of our wounded savior washes over me, and instead of condemning me, washes me pure once more.

The liberation and overwhelming gratitude we can find in the sacrament of confession is unlike any other human experience.  It allows us to move past the wrongs we have committed toward our loved ones, the human family, and God.  May we have the courage to continue to ask forgiveness of our trespasses so that we can live in freedom from sin and on the way to a life of holiness.